The Beginning.

Dear Anonymous,
         I'm writing to tell you about myself. My life. My decisions. My choices and the consequences thereof. The problem is that I have an infinite amount of thoughts. All of which, if I were to write them down, would create an endless stream of nonsense and increasingly befuddling sentences strung together by one common factor. That factor is simply the fact that they are all spawned within a spontaneous mass of nerve and electrical impulses trapped in a bone cage. How this mass of seemingly random pink tissue can function in such an incredible fashion can only attest to the incredible power of my, our omnipotent creator, the almighty God. Honestly, simply glance around you at the world, and think about how all the creatures and plants and organic substances work together. How in the world could that just.. happen? Look at your own body. Look at how the very substance of your body screams out "I'm not a random occurrence luckily spawned out of some primordial ooze by the very fortune of happenstance." It's utterly impossible.
          I guess that's the first and most important thing you need to know about me.  I'm a Bible-believing, Almighty God worshiping sinner rescued from my inevitable fate by the love of Someone who never stops loving me.  I'm probably offending most of you. Your opinion of me has most likely changed from.. "Hmm, the first few lines of this are increasingly interesting" to "*Scoff* She's one of those hateful, judgmental, hypocritical Christians who probably is going to try and convert me to her religion." And while it's true that I would wish that you would be able to know the security and comfort I find in Jesus, I can't change your mind on my own. So I would hope that through my writing maybe you can see that I'm not a judgmental, hateful person, and that perhaps you could change the tainted connotation you attach to the word "Christian." So please, anonymous, stay tuned.
          So another thing you might like to understand about me are the principles of my personality. Usually you can tell by one's body language, clothes, initial conversation, what kind of personality they have. However, with this unique form of interaction, you probably don't have any idea what kind of person I am. So far you know that I like to write, and that I'm a Christian. Also you have probably noticed that sometimes I get off track and as shown in the first paragraph of this entry I have a problem focusing. I sometimes think that I have a slight case of ADD, however, I try my best. Anyway, back to my personality. I'm a very ambitious person. I have huge goals for my life. I'm in a constant "Go-Getting" mode and it's very hard to shut it off. I want to be constantly busy. It's hard for me to just relax. Even if I'm watching Netflix and sipping water on my bed I'm thinking about a million things. I'm never "in the moment" and I know that there's a problem there. This bottled up ambition results in a lot of being unsatisfied. There's a fine line between being unsatisfied and being complacent. I haven't learned to walk it. Maybe I've gotten a foot or two up on top of it, however, in seconds I fall back into this pattern of hating where I am and what I'm doing. It terrifies me that I might be taking days for granted.  
          Recently I had a life-threatening bout of anaphylaxis. I went into shock, my blood pressure dropping critically low, and I was legitimately afraid for my life. What if I were alone that day. What if that happened when I was all by myself. I passed out twice and while I was out my dad called 911. I wouldn't have been able to get to a phone, and I'm legitimately 100 percent sure that I would have died.  If it weren't for God's grace and provision, I would not be writing this. There again I go, mentioning God. "She's so focused on God. It wasn't God. It was just being in the right place at the right time." You might be saying that. Here's a quote for you. “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” -C.S. Lewis
Yes, I'm going to mention God because being a christian not only affects my religious and political views, but the way I see every aspect of life. I don't view anything as "Karma" because I'm so undeserving of any good karma in my life that that's utterly impossible.
         I don't know the point exactly I'm trying to get across in this entry. I figured I would tell you, anonymous, about every aspect of my life. What I do, where I go to school, my plans for college, etc. However, I guess I've simply displayed how Christ is the center of my life. How even when I'm afraid I'm taking my life for granted, God reminds me how precious it is. How when I'm so confused and cannot focus, God helps me to be calm in the midst of the storm that is my thoughts. How my random string of nonsense thoughts simply attests to the fact that I cannot be a random happening. How its incredible that I have the ability to write this right now. So that's 90 percent of who I am. Perhaps in following entries I'll be able to uncover other abstract facts that make up the rest of who exactly it is that's writing these thoughts.
Maybe you'll stay tuned. Maybe not.